Protecting Others
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We will all have times in our lives when we were cowards and times in our lives when we were brave. As you get older and look back on your life, you will be most proud of the times you stood up for someone who needed help, was being bullied, belittled, or assaulted, particularly when doing so could cost you something.
Heroes
Standing up for someone who is being bullied does not have to be physical. Mostly, it’s just being the person who says “stop it” or “don’t do that”. If you stand up for someone who is being bullied or attacked, that person will remember you for the rest of their life. You will be a hero to that person.
Swedish graduate students Carl-Fredrik Arndt and Peter Jonsson were riding their bikes when they saw Stanford varsity swimmer Brock Allen Turner assaulting an unconscious woman outside a fraternity. Jonsson asked what Turner was doing and Turner ran. Jonsson gave chase and tackled Turner and Arndt and Jonsson held Turner until the police came.
Later, the woman wrote:
Most importantly, thank you to the two men who saved me, who I have yet to meet. I sleep with two bicycles that I drew taped above my bed to remind myself there are heroes in this story. That we are looking out for one another. To have known all of these people, to have felt their protection and love, is something I will never forget.
Sonia Ulrich, Marla Saltzer and Monica Kenyon were at a restaurant when they saw a man apparently put something into a woman’s drink as she left to go to the bathroom. One friend rushed to the bathroom and told the woman, “Hi, I know this is really weird but we saw the guy you were with put something in your drink.” Another alerted restaurant staff, who checked security cameras, confirmed their suspicion, and called police. The police took the drink as evidence and arrested and charged the man with intent to commit a felony and intent to use a drug to commit a felony.
Bullies
If you bully someone, that person will remember you for the rest of their life. It will not be a fond memory.
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Being bullied
So what do you do when you are being bullied? You can — and should — tell a parent and your school at the first sign that someone is bullying you. Research has shown that parental and school intervention generally decrease bullying.
It is also important that you respond to bullying calmly and without extreme emotion. Research shows that students who respond to bullying emotionally wind up being bullied more. Students who respond calmly generally do not get bullied in the future.
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How to be an Upstander instead of a Bystander
Several researchers have reported that when someone standing by stands up and says “STOP”, it actually STOPS bullying half of the time.
What power you have in just standing up!
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A perfect day
The great philosopher and basketball coach John Wooden said:
You can’t live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.
The great Athenian rhetorician Isocrates, a student of Socrates, observed at the Olympics that you could double the athletic ability of every person at the games and it would do nothing to better the human condition, but if you doubled the intellect of just one person, all humankind would benefit. I think that is also true if one young person doubles her efforts to help others who cannot pay her back.
A modern example of this takes place during every University of Iowa home football game, where over 70,000 fans, the officials, and both teams’ coaches, players, and cheerleaders turn toward the top floors of the UI Stead Family Children’s Hospital and wave to the young patients.
The Hawkeye Wave was the brainchild of Iowa fan Krista Young from Anita, Iowa. “When I thought about the wave, I was thinking about how it would brighten up the day for the kids,” Young told the Des Moines Register. “But now I’m amazed at how it’s had such a heartwarming effect on everyone.”
“It’s a visually stunning sea of hands, and an awe-inspiring reminder for everyone inside that people see them and care about them,” wrote the Register. The Hawkeyes could win every football game every season and it would do less to ease suffering and better the human condition than the Hawkeye Wave.
Tuck coach Wooden’s quote away in your mind and remember it anytime you are having great fun or success. Then find a way to help someone who will never be able to repay you. It really will turn a great day into a perfect day, and all humankind will benefit.